Dementia: Looking Back: Looking Ahead (Week 16)

It’s always pleasing as a Care Partner when your concerns have been listened to and heeded.  I called time on our Care Plan a month ago giving ‘notice to quit’ unless improvements were made.  Four weeks later we have been allocated another 7 hours of weekly carer sits (respite) alongside additional support for day trips to visit family.  There is no doubt that North East Lincs. Council do their bit in trying to look after their carers’.

Developments on Friday have now cast a new perspective on our situation: Maureen has been judged unsafe to ‘walk alone’.  This judgement will require very careful management on my behalf as I attempt to traverse the tightrope of independence and safety.  Maureen continues to challenge the judgement recalling how well she raised three children by instilling in them the Green Cross Code.  Therefore popping out to the shops and leaving Maureen to her own devices becomes a risky venture; as locking her in is not a viable option.

I have been reminded by many people that Maureen’s presentation is nothing unusual. Perhaps my biggest challenge is accepting that despite my best efforts the progression of her dementia is relentless.  Therefore ‘Mrs Dementia’ may often be around and empathy significantly absent.  When it is full flow Maureen’s needs will be paramount and rational thought will fly out of the window.  My absence for my day trip to Coventry on Wednesday could well lead to accusations of desertion: they will come from ‘Mrs Dementia’ not Maureen.  The challenge for me is not to absorb any hurtful comments as I try to forge a life of my own alongside being a Care Partner. 


About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: Looking Back: Looking Ahead (Week 16)

  1. Mary Smith says:

    I’m so pleased you have some extra hours of respite and will be able to arrange some day breaks for you.
    You are right about the need not to absorb hurtful comments and to remember it is not Maureen but the condition making them. It’s easier said than done, though. Good luck – and enjoy your trip to Coventry later this week.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Remember Me says:

    Thanks Mary it will be good to see some of my family again.


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