Dementia: Pillow Talk On D Day


It’s just after 2 am in the morning and I’m blogging again.  This has to stop as I can’t carry on like this.  However, when you have been woken up by your wife sobbing about what she can’t remember it isn’t easy to get back to sleep.  My efforts to comfort Maureen have been given the cold shoulder: she has probably opened up as far as she dare this morning, and now feels extremely vulnerable.

In some ways it is fortunate that today is D Day in more ways than one.  It’s Maureen’s uncles funeral at 1pm today.  From conversations last night last it became clear that Maureen had forgotten that Dennis had passed away just over a week ago.  In some ways that has puzzled me as I would have expected that her emotional memory would have carried her through on this.  On the other hand she might be ‘burying bad news’, as she has often done throughout her life.

How strange Maureen has just woken, and joined me in the room adjoining our bedroom. She tells me she is pleased to see me.  She explains that she felt lost as she doesn’t know her way around this place. After a short while she reurns to our bedroom and I’m optimistic that she will be able to get back to sleep.  I hope to join her in bed shortly.

Ten minutes later she has returned to explain why she got lost:  it’s because her mum’s pillow is not on the bed.  I have offered to find it amongst the bedding drying downstairs but she doesn’t want me to do that.  What I have failed to realise is that Maureen constantly feels the embroidery on her pillow, as a she believes her mum decorated the pillow for her: at last I understand its significance!

An hour later I managed to find the missing pillow case and return it to its rightful place. After another half an hour of adjustments to various pillows Maureen seems ready to rest again and I slip in beside her.

Just before 5 am we both woke again, and Maureen asked her usual question about how I was going to spend my day.  I took the opportunity to mention the impending funeral, and Maureen is going with the plan for the day.  Her concerns about what she is going to wear surface, as expected.  Then she is anxious to know about timings ,and says she wants to get some further sleep.  I return to the keyboard and decide that I have spent long enough in bed, as we climbed the ‘wooden hill’ at 9 pm the night before.

Just as I am about to post this blog Maureen has, once again, joined me at the keyboard. She is worried about what she is going to wear for the funeral.  She has also begged me not to go downstairs without her.  Following reassurance she has returned to bed, and hopefully further sleep.

My ‘cunning plan’ this morning is to just breeze into arrangements for attending Dennis’s funeral.  Chloe will be here at ten, and she can help Maureen to sort out her attire.  If Maureen is unwilling to make it to the crematorium or the wake then I will go alone.  We have plenty of time to negotiate arrangements for Maureen’s safety while I’m away from home for a couple of hours.

 ‘Looking Back and Ahead’ will be posted at 10 am this morning..


4 thoughts on “Dementia: Pillow Talk On D Day

  1. hello… Remember Me In General… you remind me of my father when he was caring for my mother 24/7. You my friend have a straight beam to heaven.

    I’m glad you are caring for your wife, she would not get kind of understanding, patient care you are giving her anywhere else… because you know her and are familiar with her past… her likes and dislikes.

    The embroidery pillow case is a embedded memory, very important and comforting to her, keep it close by. takeCare. karen


    1. Thanks for you kind comments Karen. I’m not sure about that beam because as my Grandfather used to say: ‘Heaven is here on earth Hell is what you make it’. The significance of the pillow may not be authentic but that matters not as we are going with Maureen’s reality.


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