Dementia: Making The Most Of Monday

Today’s blog is much earlier than normal as I will be leaving for Coventry shortly.

There are several opportunities today that are too good to miss, both on the home front and in Coventry.  The home banker is that with Ian, Maureen’s son, here she will be more amenable on several fronts.

Maureen’s resistance to having a shower and her hair washed is likely to melt away, as she will want to look her best for her son.  It is also possible that her enthusiasm for trimming up for Christmas will return with her lad by her side.  Furthermore, the foot that has been too cold to go outside the door is likely to warm up as soon as she sees his face.  There is no point in getting irritated about this change of demeanour because dementia creates such a transformation in behaviour as outlined in this article.

Coventry offers me an opportunity to consider the life in a Residential Home.  Once my dad died my mum simply couldn’t cope home alone.  Her choice of a small Nursing Home for ladies is fully understandable, as is the loss of her mobility.  Chair bound for most of the day it isn’t surprising she is needing a frame to get around safely.  The other issue for her is that several of her fellow inmates have developed challenging behaviour and her environment is far from peaceful: she asked my sister to: ‘get me out of here’ on a recent visit.  However, mum’s residence is serene compared to what goes on a daily basis in John’s Nursing Home.

John ended up on Continuing Health Care after an unfortunate incident when he had been left at a Respite Centre.  His challenging behaviour led to a Section and a ‘chemical cosh’ so that staff could gain his compliance.  It is probable that John would have been in his own home for much longer if his wife had been given the support she needed.  Desperate for respite from his challenging behaviour she left him in unfamiliar surroundings and the rest is history.

Seeing my mum and brother in their Homes always makes me pensive.   I don’t find their surroundings an attractive prospect for either of us.  If at all possible we would want to remain together in our own home until death do us part.  That may well involve having substantial support in our current home or moving to some sort of sheltered living accommodation.





About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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